Email Marketing Lesson

Email Marketing Lesson

By: Joan Pasay

Seems my Starbucks cappuccino machine had gotten lost with the movers. I set my Starbucks radar on full alert and followed the trail of casual business attire.

Mr. Pibs had been coming to that particular Starbucks since it opened. Every afternoon about the same time as my current 'mind fade,' he too needed a fix. Mr. Pibs told me he was in wholesale pet supplies and owned his own manufacturing facility. We sipped our coffees and chatted about business. I asked him how he marketed his products to potential retail outlets.

"We have a subscriber-based mailing list," he said. "About 2500 quality pet stores across the US."

I was impressed! 2500 leads do not sound like much but these stores had asked to be contacted. The stores were real, potential buyers looking for product. "So do you keep in touch monthly or do you find seasonal works better?" I casually asked.

"Monthly!" Mr. Pibs exclaimed in horror. "That would be $50,000 of postage a year! No, we send our full color brochure on an annual basis, costs us about $4000 in mailing fees. I pull a few ladies off the assembly line and get them licking stamps and stuffing envelopes. We've been doing our marketing like this since the second year we started. Sure is great that printing is a lot cheaper these days. Saves us a bundle!"

"Mr. Pibs, are you insane?" I yelled at the top of my lungs, and started to rant, arms waving. "What marketing cave did you just crawl out of? Why not put your catalogue online? Why not use a regular Email Marketing campaign to keep in touch with the pet stores on a regular basis? Are you anti-technology? Why are on earth are you sending all that stuff by mail?"

Victoria's Secret

I turned to Mr.Pibs, and noticed he was frozen, mouth hanging open in shock at my Email Marketing, arm waving, soapbox speech.

Grandma grabbed the vacant seat next to Mr. Pibs and plopped herself down, scooting her behind, desperately trying to get it past the arm rests.

Mr. Pibs thawed and whispered in horror, "That women has a pair of underwear -- on her head."

And sure enough my Grandmother did indeed have a pair of Victoria's Secret underwear on her head, covering up a mass of curlers.

"Child," my grandmother said, "I have been looking everywhere for you!" Noticing Mr. Pibs, and unaware he and I had been having a conversation, Grandma looked a little alarmed at my tiny frozen friend. "Tiny man," she said, "You look ill, is the coffee too strong for your tiny stomach?"

"Grandma," I spoke slowly, turning toward Mr. Pibs. "This is my new friend, Mr. Pibs."
Then: "Mr. Pibs, I apologize for my Email Marketing rant, this is my Grammy. We had a coffee date this afternoon."

Mr.Pibs sat still, staring at my grandmother's hair curler cover. "Woman, why is there underwear on your head?"

Mr. Pibs' marketing strategy was a lot like those underwear. I met Mr. Pibs again for coffee (without the distraction of Grammy and her head gitch) and mentioned to him that any company that was not active online and using Email Marketing might want to retire. It was kind of tough explaining all that Email Marketing stuff to Mr.Pibs; he was a real Email Marketing newbie.

I kept going with the gonch theme and Mr. Pibs slowly began to understand the difference in each type of Email Marketing approach. We talked Email Marketing strategy and how a drawer full of a variety of underwear styles was truly the best option for total marketing support.

If you are having a tough time explaining Email Marketing to your antique boss or your clients, feel free to try on some of these. Large figured women wear petty pants to prevent the thighs from rubbing together. We did not realize it until later that day but Grandma's saggy underwear got left on the table at Starbucks along with a business card I had whipped out during my Email Marketing rant.

I've also been reworking my own regular email marketing campaign in light of my decision to try a lower cut brief for regular wear. Is your marketing approach a little sagged, over stretched and worn out? Try Email Marketing on for size. The other day a friend of mine received a rather strange Email Marketing message.

Was something from the metaphysical trying to send a message to my friend via these emails?

What else could be the reason for such a strange Email Marketing message?

Duplicate Freaky Email Marketing Message Investigation Step One:

I had to know if my friend subscribed to these Email lists.

Duplicate Freaky Email Marketing Message Investigation Step Two:

I thought it would be prudent to find out who owned these Email Marketing lists.

Duplicate Freaky Email Marketing Message Investigation Step Three:

Since I did not receive the Email Marketing messages myself I knew I needed to see them just to make sure my friend was relating the information to me correctly.

Duplicate Freaky Email Marketing Message Investigation Step Four:

I thought long and hard about the implications of two un-related Email Marketing messages, from two separate Email list owners, sending the same message.

Could these Email Marketing messages be a sign of direction from a metaphysical being that thought my friend was lazy?

I also solved the case of the Duplicate Freaky Email Marketing Message.

My friend had experienced what is becoming quite common - Receiving offensive Email Marketing messages that cross the line.

You don't give your Email list members the message that they are lazy.